Washington, D.C. – You know what the nations are saying now?
“Just bribe him.”
That’s where we’re at. Bribe the man with whatever’s laying around — a gold-plated briefcase, a fossilized kangaroo bone, or one of those spinning globes from a 1986 Radio Shack. Doesn’t matter. If it’s shiny and fits in a suitcase, it’ll pass foreign policy review.
This isn’t foreign policy anymore. This is Pawn Stars: Facism Edition.
With Liberty And Uranium For All
Let’s go back to The Obama Administration, where Russia got their sweaty little hands on a chunk of The US uranium industry with The Uranium One Deal.
Yes—uranium. The rock you need to build nukes, power cities, and vaporize continents. And Obama handed it over like it was a Chili’s gift card.
“But I thought they were the enemy?”
Yeah, well, not when checks are written.
You got politicians out here playing Pokémon with uranium deposits like,
“I choose YOU, Chernobylachu!”
Russia got a critical piece of our energy sector, and in return, The United States got... funding from a Siberian Oligarch for a Congressional Library.
And The American people get?
Eggs at $11. Gas at $10. Your savings account got stage 3 anxiety.
But sure—tell us again how selling uranium was part of a “global cooperation strategy?”
No Water But A Drought
Saudi Arabia, backed by Qatar and The UAE, walked right into Arizona, drilled a straw into our aquifers like it was a Capri Sun, and started slurping.
The company Fondomonte has been out here draining quadrillions of tons of water from deep beneath our soil—for free.
They out here watering desert cacti with America’s groundwater, while we’re getting government ads like: “No water for Flint.”
Whole cities been on “boil alert” while Saudi Arabia is pressure-washing camels. And the headlines said, “Prolonged drought caused by climate change.”
It was never about climate change. It was about the theft of your water rights.
And when someone asked where the water went, the officials said:
“It was stolen.”
“It was redistributed in an ‘equitable’ way.”
But It's Different This Time
With Trump, it’s different.
He gets on stage, throws a fist in the air, and yells “AMERICA FIRST!” like he’s about to body slam a The Ultimate Warrior in a WCW Arena Match. He puts on the tough guy act, slaps a few import duties on shoes and phones, flexes for the cameras.