The CIA was forced to walk back their own explosive claims about Typhoon Vault after it was revealed the entire cyberattack was an inside job run on The FBI’s own servers.
They falsely accused The DOD of hacking AT&T — with zero evidence — and had to retract the statement after it was discovered, in fact, that it was North Korea.
And now, in a move eerily reminiscent of Mao's China, CIA agents are marching house to house, inspecting “contraband,” scanning family pets, and looking for “illegal immigrants.”
They needed a win. They got one. But not the one they hoped for.
While The CIA hoisted their Transparency Medal under flashing lights and a WHO backdrop… the news cycle shifted.
Because on that same day, across the globe, President Trump was awarded the first-ever FIFA Peace Prize.
Yes. FIFA. The same global football organization banned in 9 countries for corruption and still under investigation in 3 more… handed a Peace Award to a man currently under investigation for sedition, misappropriation of government planes, and illegal ownership of a micronation on one of Haiti’s islands.
The people were… baffled.
“So let me get this straight,” said Aaliyah Ford, 28, a freelance journalist from Buffalo. “One group that’s been redacting weather reports just got a transparency medal… and the other guy who once tried to buy Greenland with NFTs just got a peace prize… from FIFA? Man, what’s next? Is R. Kelly getting the Teacher of the Year Award?”
But The CIA Transparency Medal and Trump’s FIFA Peace Prize weren’t the only baffling honors handed out in 2025.
It turns out giving yourself awards became the hottest trend in geopolitics.
Benjamin Netanyahu, not to be outdone, simply awarded himself the Nobel Peace Prize for “bringing peace and stability to Israel.”
Trump, still furious over the Super Bowl outcome, issued Executive Order 1200 declaring that the Philadelphia Eagles were disqualified from their win and that the Kansas City Chiefs were the “true and rightful champions.”
China, eager to join the victory circuit, held a massive ceremony for a “historic Moon landing” that never left The Gobi Desert. Footage released by state media showed tire tracks, a full moon, and what appeared to be a rabbit hopping across the background.
A closer analysis revealed the “lunar soil” was cat litter and the Moon flag was planted next to a Burger King Whopper wrapper.
India, never one to miss a moment of self-congratulation, awarded itself the “Clean Water, Fresh Air Award” — praising The Ganges for having the “purest drinking water and cleanest air on Earth.”
And in one final act of absurdity, Trump issued a Presidential Decree seizing Chelsea F.C.’s 2025 FIFA World Club Cup title, claiming: “I am the REAL champion.”
“We used to wait for elections,” said Harold Mixon, 54, a retired welder from Cleveland. “Now they just give themselves medals and say, ‘Look, I won.’ Man, I once gave myself Employee of the Month at a job I got fired from. That’s how this feels. Next thing you know, my cat's gonna award herself the best catwalk award. Hell, I might give myself the Medal of Honor for surviving Trump’s policies.”
“Trump got a peace prize, Bibi gave himself a Nobel, and The CIA got a transparency award?” asked Breanna Wu, 29, a college student in Portland. “The United States is having a psychotic breakup with human governance. These people giving themselves awards like they just beat a video game on Easy Mode.”
And really — she’s right.
Have world leaders stooped so low that they are willing to fake awards just for validation, likes, shares, and subscribes?
Apparently so.
They hand themselves fake accolades like participation ribbons at a rigged summer camp. Unelected agencies commission medals for behaviors they openly violate. Every new lie comes with a plaque, a podium, and a standing ovation.
The word “award” used to mean something. Now it’s just clickbait.
Trophies for tyrants. Let’s give Putin one too!
A hollow echo chamber for the world’s most insecure egos — bought, printed, and livestreamed with comment sections disabled and critics jailed for asking questions.
Maybe it was never about merit. Maybe it’s always been about the photo. The illusion of applause. The flashbulb of power.
And the belief that if you print the lie in gold — the truth will forget how to fight back.