MOSCOW, Russia — Vladdy has rejected Donny's calls for a ceasefire, making it crystal clear that Russia isn't stopping for anything less than full control of Ukraine.
The Russian Ministry of Defense wasted no time in shutting down the proposal.
“Why would we want to stop?” said an MoD spokesperson. “We want all of Ukraine. We don’t want to stop the war.”
For Russia, things are going too well on the battlefield to hit pause.
And why would they? The United States is openly signaling it’s getting ready to abandon Ukraine, meaning Russia might be able to carve out even more territory.
That’s just business as usual for Trump, who has been openly daydreaming about annexing Canada, taking over Greenland, and invading Panama.
A high-ranking Russian FSB official, speaking on condition of anonymity because they weren't authorized to speak, painted a grim picture of the call between Vladdy and Donny.
And by ‘real guarantees,’ Putin means total U.S. withdrawal from Ukraine, lifting all sanctions, and possibly renaming Kyiv ‘Little Moscow.’
1.) Military support for Ukraine? Slowing down.
2.) Sanctions against Russia? Weakening.
3.) Trump’s foreign policy? A mix of confused ramblings, vague promises, and a strong desire to be liked by Vladdy.
While Russian forces advance, Trump is busy browsing real estate in Greenland and wondering if Panama would make a good winter home.
“This is exactly why nobody takes Trump seriously,” said Michael Carter, a retired blacksmith.
“He's out here making ‘deals’ while Putin is making battlefield gains. It’s like bringing a participation trophy to a knife fight.”
Russia sees an opportunity and is taking it. Trump, meanwhile, is looking for the fastest way out of the situation without having to admit failure.
And if Donny keeps signaling weakness? Don't be surprised if Vladdy suddenly decides Ukraine isn’t enough.