Washington, D.C — Veterans and citizens are furious, and this time, they're not holding back. Elon Musk's Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) has been granted unprecedented access to veterans’ data under the guise of streamlining government operations. What started as “just compensation ratings” has quickly ballooned into full access to veterans’ medical records — and the nation isn’t buying the official explanations.
“Who gave this guy control?” asked Sergeant Walter “Bulldog” Hayes, a Vietnam veteran and proud owner of a “Don’t Tread on Me” tattoo. “I don’t remember seeing Musk's name on the ballot. So why is he walking around here like he’s the President? The man’s not even from here! What's next, he’s gonna start declaring himself lord of America?”
Corporal Danny Jefferson, a Gulf War veteran, was even more blunt. “Wait a second,” he said, leaning forward with a puzzled look mixed with anger. “I thought it was illegal to elect a foreigner as President of The United States. Someone explain to me how this guy’s got the entire VA database on his laptop, probably sitting there with a bag of Doritos looking at our medical records. Who put him in charge?"
DOGE’s track record under Musk has been anything but subtle. Since its inception, the agency has wielded its power like a hammer, smashing through countless government departments:
1. The Treasury Department: Downsized by 40%, leading to national citizens waiting six months for tax returns.
2. The Department of Agriculture: Replaced food safety inspectors with “AI farm bots” that, according to reports, have mistaken cow manure for filet mignon.
3. The Education Department: Cut in half, with Musk suggesting students “just Google it.”
4. The Department of Transportation: Replaced half of all traffic control operators with self-driving car algorithms that have reportedly created “artificial traffic jams” in eight cities.
“Musk isn't here to fix the government,” said Michelle Grayson, a factory worker from Detroit. “He’s here to break it so he can build his own little techno-playground on the ruins. And we're supposed to just clap for it like seals at a circus?”
Americans aren't taking the DOGE invasion lightly either.
Janice Miller, retired teacher: “This guy gets more access to the government than my husband gets to the remote control, and nobody’s saying a word! What's next, he’s gonna privatize breathing? Sorry, no. He can take his efficiency and shove it where the sun don't shine.”
Kevin “Grizzly” Thompson, truck driver: “Let me get this straight—Elon Musk shuts down departments, takes my tax money, and now he wants my VA records too? You know what? He better stay out of my lane, or he's gonna find out how efficient my 18-wheeler is.”
Sheila Martinez, single mom and waitress: “The government lets this guy walk around like he’s some kind of tech savior, and I’m here working double shifts just to afford eggs! If I see him, I'll tell him to go ‘streamline’ the prices at my grocery store first.”
Darryl “Tank” Jones, Korean War veteran: “We fought communists, fascists, and every other ‘-ist’ you can think of, and now I gotta fight a billionaire and his crony friends with superiority complexions? Bring it on. I need target practice anyway.”
While the country fumes, one person remains notably silent: President Trump. Many citizens are beginning to wonder if Trump is actually in charge — or if Musk has the real keys to the nation.
“Where is he?” asked Sergeant Hayes. “I'll tell you where—on a golf course somewhere! His wife's nude pictures are everywhere in the media, the Russians are mocking us daily, and I’m paying 300 bucks for a carton of eggs. But hey, at least he’s working on his short game, right?”
The question of President Trump's loyalty is also up for debate. With Elon Musk having donated more than $500 million to Trump's campaign, many are asking if Trump has handed the keys to the Treasury directly to his billionaire backer.
“The man’s weak,” said Grayson. “We got enemies laughing at us, drones flying out of the ocean, and veterans ready to riot, and he’s out here smiling like a kid in a candy store. Someone tell him this isn't a joke.”
As the outrage grows, one thing is clear: Veterans are not backing down.
“I didn't vote for this,” said Corporal Jefferson, his voice trembling with anger. “Nobody told that dirty foreigner Dutch terrorist Elon Musk to come here and mess with our stuff. He needs to go back to his own country and fix their problems before he gets a taste of Good Ole’ American Southern Hospitality. We vets are ready to defend ours.”
The veterans are not alone. Across the nation, Americans are rallying behind their cause, demanding accountability and transparency from a government that increasingly does not care what the people say.
As the movement gains momentum, one thing is certain: American citizens and veterans won't go quietly into the night. The question now is, will President Elon Musk and Vice President Trump listen — or will they face the wrath of a nation pushed to its breaking point?