LANGLEY, VA — In what can only be described as a move requiring brass balls the size of Jupiter, somebody decided that today was the day to take shots at The CIA.
Yes. THE CIA. That one.
The incident unfolded earlier today when an unidentified suspect showed up outside Langley and took pop shots at the agency. While reports initially claimed the suspect was just “waving a gun,” let’s be honest—who waves a gun outside The CIA?
After several hours of negotiations, the suspect finally surrendered.
But the real story?
Americans condemn the act publicly... while privately laughing their asses off.
“This is Wrong... But Also Hilarious.”
Jamal Henderson, a former Army veteran turned mechanic, expressed his disapproval while struggling to keep a straight face:
“Look, violence is never the answer. You can’t just roll up on The CIA like that... But uh... I mean... who among us hasn't thought about it?” (bursts into laughter)
“They ruined so many people’s lives, ran illegal wars, lied to the public, and let Elon Musk waltz in and take over everything. They mess with everybody. So, yeah, I’m not surprised. This is terrible. Very bad. Very... HAH! THEY GET WHAT THEY DESERVE!”
Now...Who Would Want to Shoot at The CIA?
Gee, where do we begin?
This isn’t exactly a mystery. The CIA has made enemies in places where no enemy ever existed.
And not because they were “protecting democracy.” Nope. They were ruining people's lives for sport.
A Brief List of Reasons People Despise The CIA:
* Veterans? Lied to them, experimented on, then left them out to dry.
* Operation Mockingbird? Controlled the media, manufactured consent, made propaganda an art form.
* MKUltra: Conducted mind-control experiments on unwitting citizens, using LSD and other methods.
* Iran-Contra Affair: Smuggled weapons, sold drugs, then acted confused when neighborhoods collapsed.
* Illegal Drug Testing? Look it up. They did that.
But don’t worry! They’re definitely the “good guys.”
The CIA has a reputation worse than expired gas station sushi, and American citizens want it gone.
James Carter, a Software Engineer said, “The CIA is the reason The United States is falling behind. We could out compete China and Russia in technology, but instead, we're busy funding coup attempts, burning tax dollars on surveillance, and lying about everything.”
Vanessa Lopez, a Former Federal Employee stated, “America is last among developed nations, and The CIA is a big reason why. They don't innovate. They just spy, sabotage, and make things worse. They need to go.”
Marcus Brown, a Truck Driver from Detroit summed it up the best when he said, “They lie to us, manipulate us, then act shocked when people don’t trust them. I’m not saying I condone what happened today... but I’m also not shedding any tears.”
Americans are not just fed up—they're done.
Decades of secrecy, lies, manipulation, and unchecked power have finally caught up. The CIA was supposed to protect the nation, but instead, they sold it out, destabilized it, and buried the truth under layers of classified deception.
They have toppled governments, orchestrated coups, spied on their own people, and funded warlords. They have drained The United States of its innovation, stifled competition, and ensured the country remains stuck 30 decades behind China.
And yet, when Americans struggle with rising costs, failing infrastructure, and global irrelevance, The CIA does what it does best—lie, steal, cheat, and demand more funding.
But today’s incident sent a message: People are fed up and patience is wearing thin. The people want this evil agency to be thrown into the dust bin of history.