Washington, D.C. — Whoa buddy. Today was extraordinary. The global markets took a beating with most major indexes getting slapped like they owed somebody money. Japan, Taiwan, and Hong Kong—basically China—all hit their circuit breakers so fast it looked like a coordinated fire drill. A bad foreboding for the United States.
But alas! Great news broke loose like a balloon at a porcupine convention: a 90-day pause to tariffs! Let the good times roll again! Someone even fired a confetti cannon into a Waffle House by accident. Tell your grandma to buy more tech stocks. Black Monday avoided, right? Nothing to see here, folks. Move along.
Only problem? The Trump Regime called it "Fake News" and within seconds, markets did a perfect nosedive into the fiscal abyss.
You wonder who might release fake news to pump markets? It’s not like Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, Peter Thiel, or Italy's Prime Minister Meloni would ever coordinate global press releases to avoid margin calls. Right? It’s not like they've ever attended the same yacht parties, traded board seats, or coincidentally dumped stock before market crashes. Too honest.
US markets swung over 1,700 points in a single trading day, wobbling like a drunk giraffe, but somehow avoided total collapse. For now.
I Have A Bad Feeling About This
Then came the real hammer. Vice President Trump stepped up to the mic and declared even more tariffs. An additional 60% on Chinese goods. On top of the existing 34%. On top of Biden's leftover tariffs. On top of the ruins of the old economic order.
“They need to get in line. China, Europe, Mars—I don't care. If they want to trade with us, they play by my rules,” Trump bellowed at his press conference, flanked by a 12-foot American flag, a Diet Coke cooler shaped like the Liberty Bell, and an economic advisor who looked like he just woke up from a six-year nap. “We've been too nice. No more Mr. Nice Superpower. They send us cheap crap, we send them tariffs. That's the deal. That's the art.”
This all took place while Trump simultaneously flipped the middle finger to Netanyahu during an official visit at The White House over tariffs.
I Have A REALLY Bad Feeling About This
China, not one to roll over like a panda on Ambien, delivered a haymaker of their own. And no one saw it coming.
In retaliation, China launched its long-teased global digital payment system — bypassing SWIFT, bypassing the U.S. dollar, and frankly bypassing all common sense of normalcy.
The People's Bank of China connected its digital RMB to 10 ASEAN and 6 Middle Eastern nations, now covering a mind-melting 38% of global trade. Payments now clear in 7 seconds, not 3-5 days.
Fees slashed by 98%.
Middle Eastern energy traders? Already onboard.
ASEAN’s RMB trade? 5.8 trillion yuan and climbing.
While U.S. lawmakers hold hearings on how to pass $4.5 trillion in savings to billionaires, China has connected half the planet into a financial warp drive. Treasury is baffled. The Fed is still loading PowerPoint.
This isn’t just a payment system.
This is a Digital Silk Road.
This is de-dollarization happening now.
Meanwhile...
Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney officially declared its old relationship with the U.S. over.
The U.K. Prime Minister Keir Starmer casually announced the end of globalization.
JP Morgan is waving red flags like it’s the Monaco Grand Prix.
But sure, everything's fine. Totally fine. Markets are great. The economy is resilient. Tariffs are fun.
Except... they’re not. If China is bypassing the dollar at the beginning of this trade war, and nobody in the White House can even spell "yuan,” then we're in for something worse than a recession. We're headed for the chapter in the history books marked "Whoops."
ZeroHedge said China only had three options. Apparently, China just wrote a sixth.
You thought you dodged Black Monday.
It hit where you least expected.
I have a bad feeling.