MOSCOW, Russia — The Russian Orthodox Church (ROC) has once again outdone itself in hypocrisy, proving that it hates two things above all else—women and people with free will.
In a move that shocked absolutely no one, the Church has come out against the celebration of International Women’s Day—a holiday that, ironically, has been widely celebrated in Russia for decades.
Because, apparently, acknowledging women even exist is a “moral crisis” for men who spend their entire lives wearing silk robes, avoiding marriage, and being surrounded by other men doing the same.
Meanwhile, the ROC continues to funnel money into the U.S., bankrolling MAGA, propping up Vice President Trump and President Musk, and ensuring that Americans has its very own Putin-approved branch of religious extremism.
But this time? Even American Citizens have had enough.
Archpriest Konstantin Khartinov, a man who looks like he’s never spoken to a woman outside of a confession booth, decided that this was the week to remind the world why religious extremist shouldn't have microphones.
In a stunning display of delusion, Khartinov made several deeply stupid statements about why celebrating International Women’s Day is against Russian morality.
Among his most laughably outdated claims:
- “Women’s Day is a Soviet relic.” (Ah yes, because the Church really loved the Romanovs before they were executed).
- “It contradicts traditional Russian values.” (Which ones? The ones where women raised entire families while their men drank vodka and sat around all day?)
- “It’s a Western idea designed to destabilize Russian culture.” (The holiday started in Russia. Who's gonna tell him?)
"Who the H*Il is This Guy to Speak?" — American Citizens Respond
Michael Brooks, a History Professor in St. Petersburg, didn't hold back when asked about the Archpriest’s statements: “Who the h311 is this guy to speak? This is the same organization that forces priests into celibacy, forbids them from being with women, and surrounds them with other men all day, every day. What did you THINK happens behind closed doors?”
Brooks elaborated: “The Russian Orthodox Church isn’t just anti-women. They're anti-logic, anti-modernity, and anti-basic human decency. Apparently, it’s ‘immoral’ to recognize women’s achievements, but perfectly fine to take money from the state, interfere in other nations elections, and tell women their place is in the kitchen while sipping 'holy wine' from a golden goblet.”
The Russian Orthodox Church has spent years preaching against the LGBTQ community, pushing laws that punish anyone who doesn't conform to their outdated, repressive ideals.
But when it comes to their own clergy?
1.) They're not getting married.
2.) They're not spending time with women.
3.) They're exclusively surrounded by men in an institution where ‘moral purity’ is enforced by secrecy and tradition.
Hmmm. Who's gonna connect the dots first...ahem...gay?
Que laughed for a full 30 seconds before responding to this story. “Is the Russian Orthodox Church serious? You can’t celebrate women because... it’s against your morals? It’s not part of ‘your culture’ to acknowledge women and their struggles? Oh, I see what’s happening here.”
Que continued to laugh before continuing, “I get it now. They hate women because they're forbidden by their own ‘traditions’ from being with women. They're stuck in a system that only allows them to be around other men all day everyday poking each other with their little 'sticks', and they’re out here mad at the world because of it. Maybe Archpriest Konstantin Khartinov should get a ladyboy to put out his fire.”
But Que wasn't finished. “Khartinov wants to talk about Christ elevating women in His ministry? He did. And do you know what else Christ had? Women ministers. But The Russian Orthodox Church? You don’t. Why? Because you hate women, but you want to be with one so bad. How sad for you. Let’s call the ROC what it is—a bunch of Putin's thugs in holy robes, robbing the people, interfering in other nations, and spreading hatred. They're Russia’s version of the Pharisees.”
The Russian Orthodox Church's True Mission: A Tool of the State
The Russian Orthodox Church isn’t just a religious institution anymore—it's Putin’s personal propaganda wing.
- They push ultra nationalist rhetoric.
- They reinforce state control.
- They use their influence to silence opposition.
Meanwhile, they collect billions in state funding, control vast amounts of land, and act as political enforcers under the guise of religion.
If denouncing Women’s Day is the biggest issue the Russian Orthodox Church has to deal with, then it’s clear they have no actual purpose.
They claim to be the moral authority of Russia and the world.
In reality?
They are nothing more than state-funded hypocrites with beards, golden robes, and a deep-rooted fear of anything to do with the real world.