Los Angeles, CA - In a bizarre twist that could only happen in Hollywood, or as many now call it, "Hellywood," A-list celebrities and local authorities are pointing fingers at an unlikely culprit for the wildfires ravaging Southern California—a homeless man. The move has sparked fury among America's, who accuse Hollywood of deflecting blame while ignoring the real issue: drones spotted over multiple fire zones.
In true Hollywood fashion, a dramatic event was staged for the cameras. Authorities were shown arresting a homeless man holding a blowtorch, three cents, and a pack of Marlboro Reds. “We found the arsonist!” proclaimed Chris Brown while sipping his drink from a diamond-studded chalice.
The spectacle didn’t stop there. Three A-listers took to social media to double down on the narrative:
“This is what happens when you let society crumble,” tweeted Jennifer Aniston, who appeared in a photo lounging by her $3.5 million jet. “Honestly, if we just taxed the poor more, maybe they’d think twice before buying blowtorches and cigarettes instead of food. I’m over it.”
Justin Timberlake, speaking to an entertainment news outlet, sneered, “Homelessness isn’t just a tragedy; it’s a plague. It’s bad enough we have to see them on our streets—now they're destroying our homes, too? How is this even allowed to happen?”
Kim Kardashian, during a fiery morning talk show appearance, erupted with outright hatred: “These people don’t need help; they need to be stopped. Every time I see one of them near my property, I’m calling the cops. They’ve already ruined my life once—I’m not giving them a second chance.”
The comments immediately sparked backlash online, with one user summing up the sentiment: “They're blaming someone with three cents and a pack of smokes while sipping champagne in their fifth home? Hollywood is a parody of itself.”
However, the narrative quickly unraveled when internet sleuths uncovered the “homeless man’s” true identity. Far from being destitute, the accused turned out to be none other than Ben Affleck a fellow A-list actor, best known for State of Play. The revelation sent shockwaves through social media, with many branding the stunt as “Hollywood's Greatest Scam.” The discovery added fuel to the growing disdain towards Hollywood.
“They really thought they could get away with this?” fumed Laura Trent, a small business owner interviewed on-site. “They’re trying to distract us with this nonsense while real arsonists fly drones over our forests! It’s insulting.”
“We’re supposed to believe they care about the fires?” said Frank Castillo, a retired engineer. “They're too busy playing games and blaming their own to even notice what’s really happening.”
One viral tweet captured the sentiment perfectly: “Hellywood staging fake arrests while drones take out water planes. You can’t make this up.”
Mark Adams, a construction worker from Kansas said, “Hollywood is practically a PR department for The Government. Every time a scandal pops up, here comes Hollywood with another fake distraction. They're not entertainers—they’re minions of The CIA whose pulling the strings.”
What About The Drones!?
Reports of drones hovering over fire zones have raised serious questions. Americans have noted that drones were seen near numerous wildfires, with one even crashing into a firefighting plane carrying water, forcing it to make an emergency landing.
“The evidence is everywhere,” said Frank Castillo, a retired firefighter. “The drones are there. They're interfering with our efforts. Why aren't they talking about this?”
Despite mounting pressure, The CIA tasked with monitoring national safety has refused to address the drone allegations. A CIA spokesperson offered a terse “no comment” when questioned during a press conference, leaving Americans furious and distrustful.
Words, Promises, and More Doubts
At a press conference, President-Elect Donald Trump addressed the growing outrage over the drone situation. Standing behind a podium emblazoned with the phrase “Trust Me This Time”, he delivered a speech filled with the kind of empty promises that have become his hallmark.
“Let me be very clear,” he began, adjusting his tie. “We are going to get to the bottom of this drone situation. I've already instructed my top people to investigate. And by ‘top people,’ I mean the same folks who handled my last press release about the economy. So you know it’s in good hands.”
Trump added, “We will release all available information about these drones—well, all the information we can release without it making us look too bad. And rest assured, we will deal with these drones swiftly and decisively... as soon as we figure out what they are and who's flying them.”
The press room erupted in questions, but Trump ignored most of them, choosing instead to ramble about his administration’s "bold" policy changes.
Trump’s press conference did little to quell the growing anger. Instead, it seemed to reinforce what many Americans already believed: the administration is untrustworthy and incapable of handling a crisis.
The list of grievances against Trump before he is even in The White House is long, and the drones are just the latest addition. Americans cite a string of failures:
* Flip-flopping on HB-1 Visa's, creating confusion and frustration for Americans.
* Dismantling healthcare coverage, leaving millions scrambling for basic services.
* Eroding Social Security and VA Benefits, with retirees, disabled citizens, and Veterans bearing the brunt.
* Allowing a foreigner to run critical parts of the government, sparking outrage and questions about loyalty and priorities.
“He’s all talk and no action,” said Karen Mills, summing up the American sentiment. “If he can’t follow through on basic promises, how can we trust him to handle something as complex as drones? It’s like handing a bucket to a guy who's already sinking.”
“He says he'll ‘get to the bottom of it,’ but we’ve heard that before,” said Diane Fairchild, shaking her head. “He said the same thing about healthcare, and look where that got us—nowhere. My family’s going to lose our coverage thanks to that loser.”
Others echoed her skepticism. George Patterson, a retired postal worker, burning with anger said, “This is the same guy who flip-flopped on HB-1 Visa's. How am I supposed to trust him to deal with something as serious as drones? It’s laughable.”
Mary Anderson said, “Promises, promises. He couldn't even manage social security issues—now he’s taking on drones? Give me a break.”
As Hollywood continues its blame game and The CIA dances around the drone issue, the question looms larger than ever: who’s really responsible for the devastation? The drones, the elite, or the government?
For now, Americans are left to pick up the pieces and demand the truth, even as trust in both Hollywood and the government have collapsed. “Stop blaming the poor, stop ignoring the obvious, and stop treating us like fools. Deal with the drones.” said Laura Engle, voicing the frustrations of a nation on edge.