Washington, D.C. - In what can only be described as the slowest game of whack-a-mole ever played, the federal courts have finally issued an injunction against Elon Musk's Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE). But while the judges were busy deliberating, pontificating, and probably taking extended lunch breaks, Musk has already moved on to his next conquest.
By the time the ruling came down, DOGE had wormed its way through the Treasury Department, the Federal Aviation Administration, and according to some sources was setting up an "efficiency assessment team" inside the Pentagon. "Oh, we'll shut it down," said one confident judge. "Just give us 6 to 12 months to get through legal procedures."
Meanwhile, Musk has reportedly been seen waltzing through government buildings with a clipboard, nodding approvingly at servers he absolutely should not have access to.
Legal analysts are baffled by how one man is outmaneuvering the entire federal judiciary. "He's playing dominoes while the courts are still trying to figure out how to open the board,” said one anonymous law professor.
A government watchdog group attempted to track his movements but found only a trail of auto-generated AI emails reading, “Sorry, I am currently stealing Americans' money. Please try again later.”
"Every time we think we've stopped him, he’s two agencies ahead,’ groaned one exhausted federal attorney. "It’s like trying to nail Jello to a wall except the Jello has a rocket company and a personal vendetta against oversight."
As usual, the public is left holding the bag. Americans have taken to social media and protests, demanding that someone—anyone—step in and stop the madness.
Jamal Edwards, a construction worker, scoffed at the latest ruling: "Oh, great, the courts finally caught up to something Musk did three scandals ago. That's like arresting a bank robber after he’s already spent the money and bought a yacht."
Sophia Chang, an IT consultant, wasn’t impressed either: "They issued a ruling to stop DOGE? Cool. Meanwhile, he’s probably renaming it to C.A.T. (Corporate Agency Takeover) as we speak."
And perhaps the most scathing remark came from a man simply named Don, who sneered, "By the time these judges figure out what's happening, Musk will be running the IRS, NASA, and your grandma’s HOA. They aren't stopping him. He's just letting them think they are."
Despite the mounting chaos, the federal courts have yet to issue a broad ruling banning DOGE from infiltrating sensitive government agencies.
When asked why the courts haven't taken decisive action, Judge Harold M. Patterson, a veteran federal judge, offered a response that only deepened the frustration of American citizens.
"Look, we're doing our best. These cases are complex, and we have to follow proper legal procedures. Rushing a ruling could have unintended consequences.”
Of course, the Supreme Court isn’t helping matters. While lower courts attempt to rein in the madness, the nation’s highest court is busy... well, doing nothing.
Justice Clarence Thomas (who is definitely a DEI hire) issued a vague statement: “The judiciary remains committed to upholding the law unless it gets inconvenient, in which case, we'll think about it next term.”
In other words: Don’t hold your breath.
Elon Musk, currently sipping a matcha latte in an undisclosed location (probably inside a federal data center he now owns), has already hinted at his next move. Insiders say he plans to launch a "Department of National Spontaneity," which will issue government rulings via Twitter polls.
By the time the courts stop that? Well, it won't matter. The game of whack-a-mole will continue, and Musk will still be two moves ahead.
The American citizen, however, have had enough. As Don put it best: "If these courts don’t wake up soon, we'll all be working for ElonGov before the next election. And guess what? He'll make us pay for the privilege."