Austin, TX— In a tweetstorm that has sent social media into a frenzy, Tesla CEO Elon Musk declared that freedom of speech is “a privilege exclusively for the rich,” sparking outrage across the political spectrum and, oddly, applause from The DPRK.
Musk tweets, written in his signature erratic style, read: “Freedom of speech isn’t for everyone. Let’s be honest: it’s for visionaries like me, who own platforms, launch rockets, and build cars that double as campfire starters. You workers? You’ve got GitHub repos filled with bugs no one’s fixing. That’s enough.”
Republican's Erupt
Conservative politicians, still fuming over Musk’s threats to primary them over his bad toupee and breath scandals, erupted. Senator Scott tweeted, “Freedom of speech belongs to ALL Americans, not just billionaires with foreheads big enough to host a solar system!” Another congressman wrote, “If Musk wants exclusive rights to free speech, maybe he should work on his signal first—he talks like his brain’s running on McDonald's Wi-Fi.”
Democrats Roasts
Liberals, meanwhile, found the spectacle hilarious. Congresswoman Maxwell Frost tweeted, “Freedom of speech for the rich? This man’s toupee is about as loyal as he is—it changes direction every five seconds.” Comedian Seth Rich added, “Musk says freedom of speech is for the elite. Bold words from a guy whose forehead could host a TED Talk all by itself.”
DPRK Lauds Musk Statement
In a bizarre twist, North Korea's official Twitter account chimed in, saying, "Musk is a wise leader. We agree! Freedom of speech is not for everyone. He is a welcomed and honorary citizen here in The DPRK now. Visit anytime... just bring your rockets.”
Musk Triple's Down
Despite the backlash, Musk remained defiant. He hosted a Twitter Spaces event titled “Why I’m Right and You're All Wrong,” where he explained, “Look, the billionaires know what's best. My cars, my platforms, my forehead—we lead humanity. You? You post cat memes. Stay in your lane.”
Public Meltdown
Hashtags like #MuskOff, #ForeheadFascism, and #ToupeeGate trended globally. In an unexpected turn, Twitter users began photoshopping Musk’s face onto Mount Rushmore, replacing all four presidents with various angles of his forehead. The caption? “Freedom of Speech Mountain: Admission for The Rich Only.”
The Fallout
While Musk’s comments alienated politicians on both sides of the aisle, some experts believe he thrives on chaos. “This man doesn't care if people love or hate him,” said political analyst Jane Folderson. “As long as they keep talking about him—well, except for the DPRK; they called him ‘Dickie-Do.’”
As the internet burns brighter than an Tesla battery, one thing is clear: when it comes to Elon Musk, freedom of speech may be his privilege, but satire is for the clever.