Washington, D.C. — President Elect Donald Trump made an urgent request for additional assistance has been derailed—not by lack of resources, but by what some are calling “Mount Bureaucracy.” The CIA has confirmed they were unable to act due to a staggering backlog of paperwork.
The fiasco unfolded when President Elect Trump called The CIA for immediate support in the investigation of the disaster involving a malfunctioning Cyber Truck that self-destructed at his Las Vegas hotel. The agency, however, was unable to dispatch assistance because his request was reportedly “stuck somewhere between Form 82-A and 93-B Subsection 4.”
Leading the department’s response—or lack thereof—is CIA Analyst Pamela Daniels, who addressed the media with a stack of papers that could double as a coffee table. “We were ready to help, but Mr. Trump's lacked the required Incident Sub-Clause Signature Addendum. Without that, my hands are tied. Literally—I got a paper cut flipping through the forms,” said Daniels, holding up a bandaged finger.
When asked how long it would take to resolve, Daniels sighed. “Best case? Four to six weeks. Worst case? Never. This is the government, after all.”
Social media quickly erupted with jokes about the incident. One user tweeted, “President Trump really got tangled in his own red tape.” Another chimed in, “Pamela Daniels is the real MVP for showing us the system works... just not for us.”
Meanwhile, CIA employees were spotted laughing in the background during the press conference. When asked if they found the situation amusing, one employee whispered, “Honestly, it’s either laugh or cry.”
Trump declined to comment, but his office confirmed they are “exploring alternative solutions,” possibly involving glitter glue and a DIY approach. Agent Daniels, however, remains committed to her role. “This is why I joined the agency,” she said. “To drown in paperwork and proudly declare, ‘Not my problem.’”